Dec. 9th, 2010

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Its weird how things changes. One day I'm here, and the next I forgot to do something again. Not on purpose of course. But that happens to. Last Friday I was awake... and all my boss said was (Tuesday) that she was glad I'd come... that they missed me at work. Normally I'm all about calling and such but... Sometimes I just want someone to yell at me, to tell me to shape up, to tell me that I need to do better.

I just... I get the whole 'she is autistic and therefore fragile' thing, but damn it, if it had been anyone but me, she (my boss) would have talked to me about it. I just... miss being treated normal. Of course, I do need some consideration... but damn it, its not like I'm VISIBLY affected by my handicap (except with the noises... and people... and smell... am WAY too sensitive at times...), except those I tell, or when I go to the club with other people of the same diagnosis... Its weird though... 

I'm special, but not damaged. I'm me, yet not. I want to be alone, except when I don't... I have trouble with changes... except when I know about them or/if initiate them. 

Sometimes I just want to be me again. Except I'm not, and have never been. I think. 
Who really knows. Just... 

I think I'm going to stop before I confuse myself.
 Again. 

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